Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
