bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
