We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Randomize
