I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
