I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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