This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
