I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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