Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
