just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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