Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
