You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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