Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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