the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
