His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
