Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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