I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
