how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
