Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Randomize
