why didn't you poke me back
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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