Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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