3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
