i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
