have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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