a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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