What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
