Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
