Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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