Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
