She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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