I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
