dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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