you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
