She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
