I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
