it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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