There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
