Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My liver just had a heart attack.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
