There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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