Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
