I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
