I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
