i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Randomize
