Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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