I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
