Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
