Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
