I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
