She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
