Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Randomize
