i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
